80sretromusic.com

Several dozen people have sent this to me; I thought I'd share.

Love in the 80s

I was working part time in a five and dime.  My boss was Mr.Magee.He was 
six foot four and full of muscles and walked like an Egyptian, but I was 
happy to be stuck with him.  One manic Monday, while I was busy working for 
the weekend, I overheard him make a careless whisper.  He told two of my 
co-workers, Jack and Diane, that I gave love a bad name. Well, I got so emotional, 
baby.  I told him to say say say what he wants, but don't play games with my 
affection.  

He told me it was hard for him to say he's sorry and not to worry, to be 
happy.  Then he blamed it on the rain.  He was so out of
touch.  It just took my breath away.  I couldn't fight this feeling any longer.
I asked him "What's love got to do with it?"

He told me to get outta his store and his dreams and into my car. So I figured
I might as well jump.  I cut footloose, went home and called my girl, Jenny.
(You already know the number)  She was on the other line with Amanda.  They
were talking about Mickey and how he was so fine.  That blew my mind! Was she
really going out with him? I told her that I had just called to say I love her.
She told me she had been saving all her love for me, but now she was looking
for a new love - asta la vista, baby.  I thought "I can't go for that - no can
do! Bring me a higher love!"  I called up some of my old west end girls, hoping 
that one of them would want to get physical all night long (all night).  First I 
called Billie Jean - she told me to beat it.

I called Rosanna - her sister Christian blessed the rains down in Africa and
then hung up on me.  Come on, Eileen! ... no answer.  Nobody told me there'd be
days like these!

I was feeling like the owner of a lonely heart.  Then, out of the blue, my best
friend's girlfriend (she used to be mine) Roxanne calls.  Yes, the real
Roxanne.  She told me she still hadn't found what she's looking for and that
she wanted to take on me.  I said "I thought you were Jessie's girl."  She said
"Don't you want me? You don't have to put on the red light - I'm on my own."
What a feeling! I had the eye of the tiger.  Who was I f-f-f-foolin?  Roxanne
drove me crazy like no one else.  She's a beauty! She blinded me with science,
and weird science at that.  There was always something there to remind me of
her and I just knew that I'd have the time of my life.  I wasn't about to
la-di-da-di.  I jumped in my little red Corvette and rocked down to Electric
Avenue.  I got my mind set on her. When I got to her house (in the middle of

her street) I ran.  I rapped on her front door and to this rapper's delight, i
heard a voice say "Who can it be now?"  "Here I am, the one that you love",  I
replied.  I let my love open the door and was immediately lost in her eyes. 

I felt like a virgin touched for the very first time.   She loosened her blouse
and said "Rock me Amadeus!"  Well, I felt it was my prerogative to bust a move.
I told her "I'll tumble for ya!" as I pinned her on the stairs, hungry like the
wolf.  Just then I felt an invisible touch on my shoulder.  "Turn around bright
eyes!" said a familiar voice.  As I did, Jessie hit me with a sledgehammer of
an uppercut that spun me right round like a record.  He was hangin' tough and
continued to roll with it, knocking the wind from beneath my wings - broken
wings by this time.  He rocked me tonight,  for old time's sake, beating me
from head to toe, until my true  colors were black and blue and blood was
spilling from my mouth like red, red wine.  

"You don't owe me money for nothing!" he snarled.  At this point I was livin' 
on a prayer.  I crawled back to my little red Corvette and drove home thinking 
about how my tainted love had cut like a knife - how it seems that every rose, 
truly, has its thorn.  No longer do I want to know what love is.  

Love stinks.